I write because it helps stabilizes my energy, imagination and understanding. It helps clarify my thoughts and focus. Mostly English, but I attempt to dwell and feel in 'Urdu' at times. Have a good one. Keep happy and peace out!
Monday, January 18, 2010
With malice towards me and all!
If you are one of those people who are fascinated by the UFOs or Extraterrestrial Intelligence, and want to gauge people's reaction surrounding it - I simply suggest you wear a headscarf or abayah; and travel ALONE.
Mighty Lo! You have the perfect setting.You can see it all on their faces. Some might not pay any heed (Thanking Lord! There are few left), some might panic, others hold their children tight if you are around, some highly annoyed by your intrusions and glace with coldest look scanning you from top to bottom (Bloody terrorists looks), and some are just fascinated. Whatever the reaction, you would enjoy if you are an attention seeker(Sadly, I hate to be one and it irks me to the core).
Well, of-course performers discretion intended. This act comes with lot of liability and skepticism.
Growing up in a secular country like India, I never realized the repercussions of being a Muslim until I first took my flight for higher education to USA. I was a Muslim in my home country as well. As a child,
I did pray (the shortest form of prayer) as many of 5 times as I could,
went to mosque to finish reading obligatory Quran (Though I hardly understand few word from it and bunked classes that I finished almost years than I should have), and
fasted in Ramadan ( that was more for the breaking fast feasts and food and new clothes and eidi at the end of it).
Whatever I did was with childhood ignorance and parents obediency but I always felt secure and at peace praying. I tried my best to be as reverent as possible.
As days passed, my brain took control over my heart, I started questioning and I am still in the process. I wanted to know everything I was doing, but never got time because of all the entrance exams you got to write for getting into higher education in India. Then came the burden of molecular formulas,integers and probability; subjects that even sound obnoxious like pharmacognosy and pharmaceutical biotechnology. Days got busier with records submissions, lab works, friends get together, roaming on bikes, pre-exam night mugging sessions that my curious quest took a back seat. Though the prayer session continued, it always got multiplied and went on to original longer length during exam sessions.
With time, we were all out of college. As my friends got jobs or admissions, I got a little frantic and I resolved that I would wear scarf if I get an I 20. For the first time, the Almighty's answered me instantaneously. How stupid was I? I should have straight away asked a visa. I got my I20 but not a visa and I was wearing a scarf. Though, I always felt a little guilty with my friends who wear scarf or abayah, I never had so much of guts to down it on myself. As strange the reason sounds, the stranger was my journey towards inner self with that piece of cloth on my head.I felt at peace. Today, I do it because I want to do it. Yes, I really feel more connected to my RAB by doing it. Its just one more act of reverence towards my Lord, for making me who I am.
I also sincerely thank to media; my very own friend who asked me questions like "Is it in Quran to kill non Muslims"; to those cops whose eyes follows me in subways and on roads, to every skeptic and questioning eye. You have made me closer to my RAB. I feel happy that I am doing what I want to do rather than what society accepts. Yet, at the same time the looks just irk me. I hate it when people blabber on my face,those cold looks make me nervous. I hate those longer session of my luggage check with anti radioactive detectors and recent laptop scrutiny.
I hate those elements who are responsible for using ISLAM as a religious gimmick; who change an unquestioned obediency of ignorant and innocent people into tool of destruction.
But most of all I hate myself, for not doing anything about it in any little way I could.
The few important thing that my parents taught me is "to speak the truth; for no one but Allah is watching my actions all the time ( this is the hardest rule to follow at times) and compassion ( for elders, youngsters, disabled or less privileged) and to always be hopeful. I never realized its base is very much Islamic.
To be able to show that I am a practising muslim with my head on my head and can very much be as intellectual as society defines intellectuality, to be able to educate those ignorant people about "Hope" and educate them about the religion my parents taught me is my hope for future. INSHALLAH I will one day ( may be at the smallest scale but I will!)
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