Identity crisis!!!

I happened to read the NASDAQ bell session by our beloved youth icon - Mr. shahrukh khan and stumbled on pages of feud between Shiv sainik and him. Yes, the rift as usual that shahrukh khan is a muslim, and a very "generous" one who wants to make money by letting people of pakistan to play on his team. Oh My God, what did I do? Did I say generous? I apologize before shiv sainiks come to grab my neck because I dont even have so much money like srk to say what ever comes to my mouth and walk off. [Btw, hes one smart businessman who just wants to make mulah. Nothing more, nothing less.]

And there goes public, doing dharna in front of his house and burning government property ( neither owned by shiv sainik nor owned by srk, but earned by investing the taxes payed off on hard earned money of themselves)
Here are few updates of srk twitters:

1. Going for the launch of Hyundai environmental friendly car - via Jet plain, So ironic.

2. I an unsocial, hence so many issues.


Reading the first statement, any fan reaction would be

Oh! he thinks so much and sympathy creeps in.

[Man, if you are so perturbed by the irony, why don't you cancel the contract. Did someone put a gun on your forehead to do it.]

Regarding the second; unsocial, UNSOCIAL??????Did I read it right? If you think yourself unsocial,I, with due respect ask you to refer a dictionary and check for the meaning. May be your brain got a little older with age, you need brush up. If you dint speak, the situation is like this. Now, I cant imagine you being socially active. Baraye meharbahi, next time truly and totally try unsociable attitude. I think, it will benefit all the people. Finally, you will get awarded a prize for humanitarian approach i.e benefits you too.

Coming to shiv sainik part of the story, where were you when Imran hashmi was not given a flat at some place he wanted to buy just because he is a muslim. And for your records, Imran hashmi is as Maharashtraian as you are because he was born and brought up in Bombay. I can collect 100 practicing Muslims who wouldn't even regard him as close to being a Muslim as you think and would be ready to give a fatwa against him in no time. You are a not a muslim because you are just born to muslim parents. Islam is not a heuristics passed on to you - It is a set of guidelines and rules that you got to follow to be a true Muslim which everyone tries at their own extent to abide.

Coming to cricket, someone truly said; " Sports is war without weapons". I never was into sports. Its not on my interest list and cricket's the least(est). But it is so widely spread in our culture that no one is spared from its brunt. Surprisingly, I discovered through NDTV that Javed Miadad was invited by Bal Thackeray to his house and felicitated. Ajay Jadega and Manoj Prabhakar who are directly or indirectly involved with BJP (Bhartiya Janta Party); were once the match fixing embellished players. And shiv sena has long on and off tied with BJP. And recently, the congress sprung into action. Why should we be left behind. Took up Azharuddin and fool the muslims, and to be frank they are.


But, one a serious note: "Can you be an Indian Muslim or is it that you are either Indian or a Muslim.

Common guys, gimme a break, till what time people should be proving themselves. When I first got my voting rights, my uncle brainwashed me for weeks to vote for Majleesi Ittehadul Momineen (MIM). By the time you finish reading party name, I am sure you you can infer from the big dramatic unpronounceable name that it is urdu and the party is run by political active Muslims. I voted for TDP (Telugu Desam Party and it lost). But if the above situation keeps continuing, I guess next time I will have to concede with my right mind to vote for otherwise.

For God sake, India is one of the few democratic, secular countries left on the face of the earth where I can walk with black color abayah anytime without getting any damn heed or attention. Loving your country is part of Sunnah ( Hadees of Prophet Muhammad PBUH. When, I came to US, one of the girls asked me if I am from pakistan and I got so irritated that I counter questioned her by asking that if a person wears scarf then does she only belong to Pakistan. Poor girl, innocently replied that people living in Pakistan are also humans. Btw, that girl was a non Muslim from India.

When a movie was released and it had a very famous hindi dialogue " Dhoodh mango kheer denge, Kashmir mango cheer denge"; everyone applauded with both hands. But, isnt it ironic that Muslim students from Kashmir are asked for CID non terrorist clearance to study in some universities of India itself. Are we really conceding to what we say? People on the borders are killing each other for that part of the country, yet we have no space for those people. What do you expect them to do?

When I was coming from India, my uncle said : "Jao bete, Mulk ka naam roshan karo".

In my fathers office there is one Brahmin Telugu accountant person who keeps his utensils separately, yet my father did not mind. He never used to eat anything we offer, but we used to enjoy and relish anything he brought for us. He used to send someone everyday to pick him from bus stop to our office because he was a little paralyzed by shock.

I remember pretty well, my mom gave two tight slap and not my dinner for playing with someones religion, when I knowingly gave one of my friend mutton curry without mutton because there was nothing else to offer .

They did whatever they did, because they knew and respected the importance of faith in one's life. I am here in US with so many people and not one of them is a Muslim, yet we have one basic thing in common - we are INDIANS. I did participate in what ever way I felt comfortable for Ganesh Pooja, Diwali,etc and also was offered to break my ramazaan fast in mid day to eat prasad but took it in stride, just as an enthusiasm of my friends. I don't expect them to do prayers or read Quran yet I enjoy their company without any second thoughts and I really hope they too enjoy mine.

I think I have given enough proof of my patriotism. Can I be an Indian Muslim, please?

With malice towards me and all!

If you are one of those people who are fascinated by the UFOs or Extraterrestrial Intelligence, and want to gauge people's reaction surrounding it - I simply suggest you wear a headscarf or abayah; and travel ALONE.

Mighty Lo! You have the perfect setting.You can see it all on their faces. Some might not pay any heed (Thanking Lord! There are few left), some might panic, others hold their children tight if you are around, some highly annoyed by your intrusions and glace with coldest look scanning you from top to bottom (Bloody terrorists looks), and some are just fascinated. Whatever the reaction, you would enjoy if you are an attention seeker(Sadly, I hate to be one and it irks me to the core).

Well, of-course performers discretion intended. This act comes with lot of liability and skepticism.

Growing up in a secular country like India, I never realized the repercussions of being a Muslim until I first took my flight for higher education to USA. I was a Muslim in my home country as well. As a child,

I did pray (the shortest form of prayer) as many of 5 times as I could,

went to mosque to finish reading obligatory Quran (Though I hardly understand few word from it and bunked classes that I finished almost years than I should have), and

fasted in Ramadan ( that was more for the breaking fast feasts and food and new clothes and eidi at the end of it).

Whatever I did was with childhood ignorance and parents obediency but I always felt secure and at peace praying. I tried my best to be as reverent as possible.

As days passed, my brain took control over my heart, I started questioning and I am still in the process. I wanted to know everything I was doing, but never got time because of all the entrance exams you got to write for getting into higher education in India. Then came the burden of molecular formulas,integers and probability; subjects that even sound obnoxious like pharmacognosy and pharmaceutical biotechnology. Days got busier with records submissions, lab works, friends get together, roaming on bikes, pre-exam night mugging sessions that my curious quest took a back seat. Though the prayer session continued, it always got multiplied and went on to original longer length during exam sessions.

With time, we were all out of college. As my friends got jobs or admissions, I got a little frantic and I resolved that I would wear scarf if I get an I 20. For the first time, the Almighty's answered me instantaneously. How stupid was I? I should have straight away asked a visa. I got my I20 but not a visa and I was wearing a scarf. Though, I always felt a little guilty with my friends who wear scarf or abayah, I never had so much of guts to down it on myself. As strange the reason sounds, the stranger was my journey towards inner self with that piece of cloth on my head.I felt at peace. Today, I do it because I want to do it. Yes, I really feel more connected to my RAB by doing it. Its just one more act of reverence towards my Lord, for making me who I am.

I also sincerely thank to media; my very own friend who asked me questions like "Is it in Quran to kill non Muslims"; to those cops whose eyes follows me in subways and on roads, to every skeptic and questioning eye. You have made me closer to my RAB. I feel happy that I am doing what I want to do rather than what society accepts. Yet, at the same time the looks just irk me. I hate it when people blabber on my face,those cold looks make me nervous. I hate those longer session of my luggage check with anti radioactive detectors and recent laptop scrutiny.

I hate those elements who are responsible for using ISLAM as a religious gimmick; who change an unquestioned obediency of ignorant and innocent people into tool of destruction.

But most of all I hate myself, for not doing anything about it in any little way I could.

The few important thing that my parents taught me is "to speak the truth; for no one but Allah is watching my actions all the time ( this is the hardest rule to follow at times) and compassion ( for elders, youngsters, disabled or less privileged) and to always be hopeful. I never realized its base is very much Islamic.

To be able to show that I am a practising muslim with my head on my head and can very much be as intellectual as society defines intellectuality, to be able to educate those ignorant people about "Hope" and educate them about the religion my parents taught me is my hope for future. INSHALLAH I will one day ( may be at the smallest scale but I will!)

A discourse!

It is a Sunday night and my "to do list" is filled with things I got to finish before I meet my professor at university tomorrow. Yet, a look down the street filled with yellow light, grayish sky and falling leaves from the trees brought back the memories of our first meeting. Our introduction is vivid on my mind and I hope time doesn't erase it.

I wasn't sure what I was into? Anxious yet trying to be calm, shy yet confident, walking preoccupied into the realms of unknown with a pang of insecurity and excitement trying hard to hide my loneliness, I bumped into you straight out of airport. Though, it was rush hour with cars honking, people busily walking taking no heed of surrounding - you drown out the crowd.

In the best of your mood as ever; you silently gave a broad welcoming smile.

There are times when silence speaks more eloquently than words and I guess that was one such time. And, from that moment our companionship just grew better and I hope it remains this way ever. Each day and each interaction with you has broadened my horizons, my perceptions, bettered my opinions and judgments, and outlook of life.

Sometimes, you have seen my jubilation and other times my frustrations . Yet, you took me into your stride with all my flaws and enriched me with your persona. I am awed and amazed by your attitude towards life, you have some thing for everyone and I am deeply touched that I am one among that everyone.

On few evenings I have seen you intoxicated with party fervor, equally enjoying the company of youths, old or children. On the other evenings, I see you finding pleasure in the monotony of routine work. Whether a snow fall, a windy chilly night or a bright sunny day, you have faced it all with no loss of enthusiasm. The sparkling contrasts yet a undefined blend of all in you shall always be a part of my memoir. There are many things that I cannot put into words. I know. You know . And I guess we will let it be.

Though,I would love to claim that I have known much of you, I would be wronged if I don't confess that I have just experienced a small fraction of your big self. I am still as confused as then , yet the insecurity has been replaced by a comfort level. I always thought I wasn't gullible until I met you.

I thank my destiny that I met "New york city". The city that never sleeps!

At a job that's"for people"

These are the series of observation or events in no particular order that happen to strike my mind at my newest job:

• I really thought I cant manage a customer service job that involves those fake smiles, false apologies, but I guess I was wrong. I am doing pretty good ( Good to know i m all human!). And most of the times its not fake. I started liking it somehow.
  
• On a different note, the tag line " Thank you. You have a good day " after every transaction crept subconsciously into my mind. The other day I went to Dunkin donuts at 11 pm in the night. The guy handed me my cup of coffee and instantly my words were these lines. And the guy looked at the watch. Gosh! its good to laugh at yourselves sometimes.
  
• Usually the customers don't know care what they are getting; the key to sell food : it should be good looking and Sate Boldly that " its NON FAT".
• Most people really are talkative ( I mistakenly asked a regular student customer "whats his major?" Voila! I get the detailed biography, hes into hospitality management, did his bachelors in cuisine art, his father's a chef for 40 yrs, he wants to open a hotel and the food we sell here is nothing compared to the so called actual American cuisine)
• Its really really a different talk in "women's world" I so agree with men on this. The ladies I work with have a very different subjects to discuss.
  
• Work place is a more prominent platform to see cultural differences:
  

L:Do you have boyfriend? Did you date someone interesting?
I: No. I dont have time for one and I am happy as I am( in my mind : No, its not like that at our end of home )

L: Are you engaged? Eyes fixed on my fingers
I: A straight No and fullstop. While my mind went wild : (Its funny how you perceive the whole world according to your ideologies I like wearing rings irrespective of my marital status and we dont exchange rings in our marriages) .

L: Ah, So u dont get married and just stay like that. Ahaan haan(She meant without any strings)
I : (Man! Thats height of ignorance and assault) trying to prepare myself in the most polite way to answer. Hmm...the customer comes and saves my soul.

• If you are at a workplace, Learn to ACT BUSY. (Life's difficult if you are caught doing nothing)
• You mess it up, You clean it up ( whether you are helper or manager - that so different from the country I come from)
• The terrorism hasn't really moved from the first few pages of new york times for almost a decade now. (thanks to student center free newspaper services that i visit quite often now)
• I really don't miss high school, so I completely forgot about the uniform monotony until I started this job.
• Some people have a weird sense of dressing.
  
• Next time you need an off from your job, make sure you approach your manager with all the proper preparation. Otherwise, you might end up with an answer like this " Look honey! whatever you have on your mind just spit it out. I dont have time to look at your face." I was just startled and blank at this. Never ever heard it from anyone before.
  
• Though I like Oscar Wilde saying " Its absurd to divide people into good or bad; they are either tedious or charming" . People are generally good AS LONG AS you don't cross their path.
• You are not allowed to eat and also to "Drink Water" at my work station. Thats one of wierdest and stupid rule i came across here.
  
• Your co workers matter alot. One of the ladies in my morning shift is pretty fussy and grumpy. I keep looking at the watch for her to leave.
  
• Students take no heed when they drop four paper towels or spoons and forks on the floor when all taking one and dont even realise. I wish I could put a bold notice: "Bend your back dumbheads. Pick that spoon from the floor when you drop it."
• Either cooks really LOVEEE making food to be a chef or they dont have any other chioce. Thankfully i dont belong to either of two. Man! Its so damn hot, sweaty near that kitchen to stand all day long, everyday for whole lifetime.
  

well. lot more to write but i m outta patience

for now , Bon nuit!

Bring it on, anything sells !

Recently, I was introduced by one of my roommates' an Indian TV series called 'Sach ka Samna" - its another reality show on the block wherein participants are asked a set of questions [???]:

• Have you ever visited a prostitute?
• Have you had a child out of wedlock?
• Would you sleep with another man if your husband wouldn’t know?
• Have you ever peed in a swimming pool?

(deadly private and embarrassing - all of us have something to hide kinds), and are connected to a lie detector and as the title goes they are confronting the truth by accepting or denying the questions. And the result is the usual " sansani " (though translated as breaking, it has its essence in Hindi ). TRPs that are far from the average. If the saying that TV and movies are an index of society stands good, are these recent reality shows that are vulgar, disgusting and cheap the index of our societal preferences? Man, Almighty save the moral fabric of our society (Though few people might have problem with this statement - spare this for arguments). Whats happening to the cultural taste of Indians? (Though i usually TRY to stick to the principle of: To each his own -the repercussions of this ethical depletion in masses is i think, not acceptable)

There was a time in the Indian television where one could sit with family and watch sitcoms (malgudi days, Dekh bhai dekh, zamana badal gaya hai) together - they were the true representative of the average family net, light uncheesy humor in the air that lighted the peoples stress without offending any ones soul.

But then in the late 1990s the boom of multichannel world syndrome hit the Indian television and down the drain went with it the standards and ethics of it. The television took a 180 degree turn. No more middle class families, normal looking faces or day today activities - the time for some dramas of high profile lifestyles, multimillionaires (hence could afford plastic surgery every 6 months) people who dont cook in their houses and sleep with tons of makeup on their faces, where in the children of family can roam around in dainty clothes yet the mothers of the family has to abide by the cultural bindings of sari, pativratha patnis doing prayers for her husbands, yet a man can sleep with many women and bring home children ( lost and found unit). I just cant help but mention the complete white and black shades of characters - The evil always the wicked, more sophisticated( in clothes, wacky makeup and very characteristic bindis and istyle) and the Godly good (humble, persevering, patient to the wicked yet fighting for the truth and getting killed every 6 months). Though many directors and producers rushed towards these type of sagas that emptied the streets of India from 9 - 11 everyday in the night, the one person that tops the list is Ekta Kapoor. I so thank Lord that shes not a political figure. Many of the viewers said that she had done alot on the women issues prachar ( awareness). Think again, Did She ? She was the one who highlighted that a dark woman cant survive, students who come from small towns or chawls to study always land up marrying the rich guy throwing away their careers and dreams, all woman are born idiots to always give Agni parikshas irrespective. These sickening ideologies have crept to such an extend in the emotionally foolish Indians that people give ads in matrimony that they want a bahu like parvati and the prices of the same bangles that vendors were selling for past 200 yrs cost Rs. 100-300 more being tagged as Parvathis or Tuslis bangles. Though I really dont have a liking Ekta kapoor for all above, I duly respect her for Entrepreneur skills. Shes proven cent percent one of my Father's much quoted saying

" Jab Tak Bewakhoof Zinda Hai, Akhal mand bhooka nahi mar sakta " ( I dunno how to translate this - any idiom of similar context that reader noe plz add on!)

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I with an " I "

As I stare down the window sill
Cuts my face a windy chill

I engross, entice in emptiness of road
Find it hard to take up the load.

Looking around.........

I saw leaves dropping down
And heard a subdued inner sound

Wish I could breakfree
Like that leaves from the tree;
leaving myself to the destiny of wind
Rustling all way carefree of end
Taking path at my own pace
If I dont feel gud, giving up the race



Suddenly, a man tramped under his feet
the tiny leaves without any heed
I heard a silent moan from beneath
leaves now dead, lie like a wreath


Do I really Wish I was leaf?

No, came an answer with a relief
Tanking Lord for reinstillin my belief


I am a Human wit an " I "